Many people still don’t know what equates to abuse. Having a good understanding of what abuse is important particularly if your partner’s behaviour is now making you afraid. Definition: Relationship abuse is a pattern of abusive and coercive behaviour used to maintain power and control over a former or current intimate partner. Abuse can be emotional, financial, sexual or physical and can include threats, isolation, and intimidation.

Take note of the following types of abuse.

Verbal – yelling, insulting, threatening or swearing at you

Rejection – pretending or failing to notice your presence or value

Put downs – name calling, public embarrassment, calling you stupid or being blamed for everything

Being Afraid – intimidating or threatening, purposefully causing you to feel afraid.

Isolation – limiting your freedom or movement, stopping you from contacting other people (like family or friends).

Money – controlling your money, withholding money, preventing you from working, stealing or taking your money.

Bullying – purposely or repeatedly saying or doing hurtful things

Physical Abuse – pushing, physical contact or harm with any part of your body in an obstructive or aggressive manner.

This may not be an exhaustive list but I wanted to include the specifics of what abuse is because the chaos of an abusive relationship can confuse and blur the behavioural lines and leave you feeling it’s your fault and you deserve the abuse anyway.

Violent and controlling behaviours can sneak into relationships so slowly you don’t realise how bad it has become. Or you may have grown up in a manipulative family environment where emotional and physical aggression was normal.

However, whether it happened slowly or whether violence is normal to you, it is not okay. The ongoing trauma of aggressive or psychologically and emotionally controlling relationships affect multiple generations because people stay too long leaving a vastly negative effect on children’s mental health. Don’t be afraid to contact a Domestic Violence Service near you for clarification and vital support because they have experience and exist to help you through this type of matter.

-Greg Gardiner